Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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