If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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