how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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