I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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