He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
