i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
