Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
