So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
