I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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