so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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