i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
