hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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