you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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