how hairy? two words: wookie tits
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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