Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
