thus making me awesome and them whores
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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