apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
