Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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