yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
