i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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