Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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