glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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