Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We don't watch enough power rangers
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
