Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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