my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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