Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
