"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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