Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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