Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
