College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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