Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
