I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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