Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
