Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
