Screwed.edu
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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