I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
