at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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