If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
