All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
