Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
