My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
