I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You ate ashes out of my bong
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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