YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
