He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
