You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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