He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
