I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
