awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
