We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
