Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
