I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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