Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
