OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
