erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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