eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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