He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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