Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
