i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
