My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
