Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
