I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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