that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I met the friendliest cop last night
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
