everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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