If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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