You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
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