you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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