I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
