Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
